I might be turning into a hippy.

If you would have told me a few years ago that in 2014 I would be using and selling essential oils, becoming obsessed with holistic medicine (while seeing doctors for emergencies only) and pulling my kids out of public school to homeschool, I probably would have fallen to the floor belly laughing. Like hardcore, tears running down my face I can't breathe, laughter.  But here I am.  

I started reading more about doctors and medicine and become slightly obsessed with figuring out other cures for our ailments.  After all, most medicine just masks the symptoms and doesn't actually cure the problem.  I've also had some frustrating doctor experiences most recently.  I've been finding that the doctors really aren't listening to me.  They are always eager to prescribe medicine though.  One of my doctors even admitted the the medicine he gave me (for a stomach issue) probably wouldn't work but it was worth a try.  What?!  With all of the horrible side effects medicine can have on the body, why on earth would I want to use a medicine that probably wouldn't work?   When I had my heart palpitations my doctor ran some tests but found nothing wrong.  He quickly decided it was anxiety related and we discussed changing medicine.  That is when I decided I was DONE.  I spent hours researching possible causes of heart palpitations.  Anxiety is obviously one of them, but I found out that low magnesium causes heart palpitations.  So I started taking magnesium supplements and the palpitations stopped.  Easy enough.  During all of these research I started reading about using essential oils to prevent and treat illnesses.  Most medicines have various essential oil derivatives in them anyway, so I figure why not try using oils and see what happens!

I am not kidding when I tell you it has been life changing.  I had the worst sinus infection of my life when I was 6 weeks pregnant.  I couldn't move, think, or even talk without being in intense pain. I honestly started to wonder if that was what dying felt like.  I hesitantly busted out my oils and within days I was better.  A small miracle considering my history of sinus infections and that I almost always need a prescription to clear them up.  Since then, I'm a total believer.  I use oils on myself and my kids every day to boost our immunity and prevent illness.  When we all got a cold last week, I was able to treat it with essential oils, the diffuser, Congaplex supplements, and vitamins.  We were healthy after 2 days.  2 freaking days!  Brevin is super prone to illnesses.  He gets sick and it takes him forever to get better.  The way his body fought off this cold was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  My goal is to keep us healthy during this insane flu season.  From what I hear, it's brutal.  We don't get flu shots, so I need to make an extra effort to keep us all healthy for the sake of the baby.  I don't want to be pregnant and get the flu!  

I was able to completely wean myself off of my anxiety medicine all thanks to meditation and essential oils.  I have a blend of oils that help with anxiety...all I need to do is rub the oil on my wrists and behind my ears when I start feeling worried or panicky.  Then a few minutes of meditation is usually all it takes for me to calm down.  This is a huge victory for me! 

Anyway, my family thought I was slightly ridiculous until I forced convinced them all to try the essential oils.  Now I've converted many people, including my DAD who was a total skeptic.  Now he calls and asks me to order him oil :)  I love it! 

This screen shot below comes from one of my favorite bloggers, Organic Olivia.  I find her posts fascinating and this one came at just the right time.  

Up next:  my homeschool post.  I've been putting off writing it because I know it's going to be a long one!  

Stupid Heart.

3 years ago, when I was 10 weeks pregnant with Brevin, I wound up in the ER with heart palpitations that wouldn't stop.  After an extensive workup (EKG, ultrasound of the heart, and wearing a Holter Monitor for 24 hours) it was determined there was nothing wrong with my heart, and the palpitations were chalked up to pregnancy hormones.  I dealt with them for a good month or 2 before they finally subsided, but man, they SUCKED.  Having a constant extra heart beat was unnerving.  Nothing like having a vital organ not functioning properly.  Fast forward to present day and I'm back in the same boat.  My heart palpitations started on Wednesday and have progressively gotten worse and not better.  Last time I was able to reassure myself that it was all due to the pregnancy.  Now I've got nothing.  And to make matters worse, my mom recently found out that her biological father had serious heart problems and died at age 57 from an artery in his heart exploding.  Very comforting. 

Since I still struggle with anxiety, it has been a difficult few days.  I will have various symptoms pop up and I will immediately think I'm dying.  I automatically go to worse case scenario when it comes to my health.  Now I have to fight my initial thoughts, because I know the anxiety fuels the palpitations.  The palpitations may be a direct result of my anxiety.  Who knows.  So it's really just a vicious cycle.  I have to repeat things to myself like, "You are not dying.  You are not dying..." "You have a strong and steady heartbeat..." It's super fun.  Then I become frustrated with myself because I can't just be normal.  I over think, and worry, and convince myself I am sicker than I really am.  Then it's hard for me to really gauge what is legitimately wrong with me, and what my crazy mind has tricked my body into believing it has.  

My last ER visit was due to a panic attack last spring so I'm trying to be more conservative with my future ER visits.  I've been able to control my symptoms (and panic) enough to not go in, however, I will be scheduling a doctors appointment on Monday.  For sure.  Nights are the worst for me, so I downloaded a meditation app on my phone to use while I'm falling asleep.  It helps a little.  It's really such a bummer to have my anxiety creep up again since I was just planning on weaning myself off of my medicine!  I'm a far less anxious person overall than I was 4 years ago.  I will always need my Xanax for emergency purposes, but I'd like to replace my daily medicine with exercise and meditation.  

Keep your fingers crossed these damn heart palpitations go away soon!  They are really messing with my sanity.  

Party of Four

Life is pretty wonderful as a family of 4.  The kiddos are at a great age where they are independent enough to do things on their own, but they still need their mama for lots of snuggles and kisses.  I go back and forth on wanting a 3rd child.  I feel like things are good with 2.  Isla is off to Kindergarten next month (*sob*), Brevin starts 2 year old preschool in September, and hopefully he will be potty trained soon (please, GOD).  As the kids get older, we get busier and things have been getting easier in a lot of ways.  

We had a pregnancy "scare" last month (technically Andy was the only one scared).  I was pumped!  I was 6 days late and even though the pregnancy tests said 'negative', I  felt pregnant.  Anyway, when I discovered I wasn't pregnant there was definitely some sadness but also a sense of relief on my end.  Very confusing.  Deciding to have 3 is so tough.  Going from 1 to 2 was a no brainer.  But 2 to 3 seems tricky.  Suddenly I feel like I waited too long, when previously I felt like it would have been too soon.  Seriously, the time just never felt right.  We've either been too broke, I've been too out of shape, too tired, and/or too busy.  And now as I'm getting older, it's really either now or never. 

I've decided that I will be happy either way.  I'm so blessed to have 2 beautiful, sweet, hilarious, healthy and smart children.  If I'm fortunate enough to get pregnant without actively trying, then I will know it was meant to be.  But I think we will lay off the trying, and just see what happens.  When Andy turns 35 (in February) he is officially done.  Closing up shop for good.  Having an end date is very comforting.  What is meant to be, will be!!

Oh, Hey.

What's up?

I am clearly off to a shaky blogging comeback.  I was really hoping I would feel inspired to write, but I have nothing to write about.  Life is pretty ordinary, but in a nice, easy way.  We have fallen into a routine around here but sometimes I'm starting to think things are a little too comfortable.  

Last week I bought myself a couple of nightgowns.  NIGHTGOWNS.  In my ripe old age of 32 I've decided that shorts and pants are too bunchy and uncomfortable to sleep in, sleeping naked clearly doesn't work when small children sneak into my bed every single night, and I'm up too often at night to be walking around the house in just my underwear and a shirt.  So obviously I was left with no choices.  Nightgowns are definitely not sexy, but man they are comfortable.  Other things I have found myself doing lately that really drain the sexy out of my relationship:  calling Andy "Daddy", telling him when I need to go "potty", talking in a weird Russian accent and referring to myself as Dr. Zhivago, and buying some "sexy" underwear only to immediately hate them and return to my old woman Hanes.  So yeah, a little too comfortable.  While it's nice to have a routine and be in my comfort zone, I really need to make an effort to push myself a bit more.  Try new things.  Do something spontaneous instead of being such a nerdy planner. Stop telling Andy when I need to go potty.  Stop saying the word "potty" entirely when it involves an adult using the bathroom.  But I'm totally not giving up the nightgowns.  

For Realz.

I couldn't stand seeing my beard every time I opened my blog. Anyway.  I'm giving blogging another try. Get ready.