All or Nothing

According to my therapist, I have an "all or nothing" way of thinking. If I can't clean the whole house in 1 day, I don't want to clean at all. If my teeth aren't sparkling white, then they are disgusting. If my hair is bad, my day will be ruined. I could go on and on... Anyway, I never really realized this about myself until she pointed it out. It is really hard to get myself to think in the "gray area". I've been obsessing about my teeth lately, and because they are not super white, I hate them. She asked me what was so wrong about having normal looking teeth. I really didn't have an answer! I mean, nothing is wrong with having white-ish teeth, but why settle for anything less than great?! I'm not entirely sure when this thought process of "greatness" started, but it sure makes my life much harder. There is no way I can be happy with my body as it is. If it's not great, it's not good. If I don't look good, I don't feel good...and I think that has been part of the reason my life has felt very out of control lately. My hair is gray, my teeth are not super white, my body is flabby, and my skin is breaking out! How can I feel in control when I look like a mess??

Obviously, I've been scarred by my years of yellow teeth, big bangs, and bizarre outfit choices.

So I just might have a hair appointment lined up, a huge box of White Strips in my bathroom, and a pending gym membership/personal trainer package ready to be purchased this week. I think once I start feeling like myself again, I'll be able to tackle bigger issues.

I wonder if my therapist has ever spent a whole session discussing the importance of white teeth and the need for perfect hair with any other patient?? Probably not.

Now, despite my imperfections, I do not think I am a horrible looking person or anything. I just prefer greatness over normalness, and I get frustrated when I don't look as good as I know I'm capable of looking. Does that make sense!? Plus, any time I'm feeling gross, I just remind myself that I could look worse....

Eeewwwwies.