Selectively Mute

Brevin's pediatrician was the first to mention the term Selectively Mute when discussing Brevin's extreme shyness.  Brevin would never talk to his doctor, or even look her in the eye.  You can tell he gets so nervous the minute she walks into the room.  Amazingly, he is the most cooperative little patient though.  He does everything she asks him to.  He even gets his shots without crying.  So we knew his lack of talking wasn't him being defiant.  It was very clear he was nervous.  When I volunteered in Brevin's classroom for the first time in December, my heart nearly broke.  It was then when I discovered the full extent of his anxiety.  Most days he didn't want to go to school, but when I picked him up he always said, "I had a GREAT day!"  His teachers told me he was shy, but I just didn't expect it to be as bad as it was.  

I was helping students outside of the classroom, so I was constantly going in and out to get different kiddos.  For the first hour (no joke) Brevin was at the coloring table, sitting alone, coloring a picture very slowly and carefully.  It was almost like he knew he needed to work slowly so he could stay safe at his table.   A while later when I came back in, Brevin's teacher was encouraging him to go choose a different activity.  Brevin hesitantly got up from the table and walked to the middle of the room and just stood there.  He was one of the oldest in the 2 year old classroom.  The majority of the students were still 2 and still in diapers.  It was most certainly complete chaos in the classroom...kids running all over the place, toys were covering the majority of the classroom floor... I could tell it was very overwhelming for him.  Another teacher quickly escorted him to the water table.  When I came back into the room, his teacher was ushering him over to the Magnatiles table.  If Brevin's teachers hadn't suggested a new activity for him, he would have just stood there.  The look of nervousness on his face just broke my heart.  I was almost in tears several times that day.  He communicated only by shaking his head yes or no to his teachers, and never spoke to another child.  

The following day Brevin pooped his pants in class...but somehow the teachers never realized it.  When I picked him up he looked sad and immediately apologized for having an accident.  My poor little man was too scared to tell his teachers he needed to use the bathroom (the bathroom is down the hall, not in the classroom which is very inconvenient for little kiddos, especially those who are potty training!).  It was at that very moment I decided I needed to pull Brevin out of school.  I couldnt' let him stay in an environment where he didn't feel comfortable speaking at all.  I was so worried he would get hurt or feel sick, and be too scared to say anything. 

Now I was really considering Select Mutism as a possibility, but I first started with a speech eval because he is somewhat difficult to understand.  I thought maybe he wasn't confident in speaking because often he isn't understood.  Fortunately, he tested slightly above average in both expressive and receptive speech!  Yay!  But that's exactly when he speech therapist brought up the fact that she thought he is selectively mute.  She told me she could just feel his anxiety and that at times she could tell he knew the right answer, but he was too nervous to actually say it.  

So as of now Brevin is currently in speech therapy for a few minor speech issues, but we are in the middle of finding a therapist to work with Brevin on his anxiety issues.  I'm so thankful we caught this early.  There is a huge difference between being shy and reserved and being so anxious and nervous in a social situation that you literally can't speak.  Looking back on my childhood, I'm pretty sure I could have been diagnosed as Selectively Mute as well.  I never talked to my teachers in early elementary school, and as I got older, I needed to rehearse what I was going to say to my teachers several times before actually going up and talking to them.  I still remember how anxious I felt having to do that.  I lacked relationships with my peers because I literally didn't know what to say to them.  I wanted desperately to have friends, but I couldn't get passed the fear of talking to them.  While I slowly outgrew the paralyzing fear, I still got nervous in class even through high school.  I would know the answer, and want to raise my hand, but I just couldn't do it.  I was the last one picked for groups, and I often didn't have a partner for classwork during freshman and sophomore year.  As an adult I struggle with social anxiety and probably always will be a bit of a social weirdo in situations where I don't know anyone.  Thankfully, I'm able to put myself out there and attempt to talk to others, but it took a really long time to get here.  I don't want the same childhood experience for Brevin.  I feel terrible that he has inherited my anxiety.  I'm hoping by catching this early and getting him the therapy he needs, he will be much more confident in speaking up for himself.  No one deserves a childhood filled with fear and anxiety...especially my favorite little man!

My sweetness!

I love him to the moon and back!